


fate

by ironwing



Category: Degrassi the Next Generation
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 15:13:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12015423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironwing/pseuds/ironwing
Summary: three years after his failed suicide attempt campbell saunders decides to return to degrassi for his senior year of high school.





	1. 1 » prologue

"we are sorry to inform you but campbell saunders has tried committing suicide, maya." the blonde heard her principals voice, slowly fading out, as her vision started to become blurry. her insides burned up, her throat felt like someone was chocking her, barely letting any air in. she just nodded, putting on a small smile.

"okay. can i go now?" her mind was blank for a moment, before all her thoughts came crashing down on maya.

how could he do something like that? this morning, a fellow student of degrassi, elijah goldsworthy, has found freshman, campbell saunders, in the green house. his wrists were slashed, but poorly, so that there was enough time left to save the sixteen year olds life. he was immediately rushed to the hospital, and treated, saving the boys life.

maya hasn't listened to any of those details. she was traumatized for the whole day, trying not to think about cam, failing miserably at it, yet she continued to put up an act. she didn't want to speak to anyone about how she was feeling. she didn't want any special treatment. she wanted to speak to cam. but at the same time she didn't. she wanted to yell at him, hit him, curse him out for doing what he tried to do.

wasn't she enough? wasn't the hockey team enough? wasn't everything he had enough to carry on with life? did he really not trust her enough to tell her about how he was feeling?

she hated him. she hated him for how he made her feel. and despite how many times his parents reached out to her, she didn't want to talk to him. she didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore. she hated him, with every piece of her now broken heart.

 

_» this is a camaya fanfiction about an alternate universe in which campbells suicide attempt failed and he survived._


	2. 2 » homegrown

"are you sure you want to go back?" mrs. campbell asked her son.

cam just nodded, a relaxed smile on his face as he turned to his mother. "yes, i am. completely sure, actually."

his mother has tried to talk him out of going back to degrassi. his mother tried to talk him out of doing everything ever since the incident. he knew that she was just scared and tried to protect him, but cam was better now.

the last few years, he has been living in a rehabilitation center in toronto, and as his family moved down here he only started getting better and better as time progressed.

the first few weeks however have been rough. he didn't know if it would be worth fighting. something inside of him told him it would be just wasting everyone's time. something inside him made all his feelings numb. nothing was sparking any emotion, except the thought of maya.

but at the same time it broke his heart that she didn't want to speak to him. he didn't blame her though. not at all. he wouldn't want to talk to himself either if he was in her place.

"well, okay, but you call me the moment something doesn't go right, okay?" his mother spoke again, gaining a enthusiastic nod from her son.

he has been homeschooled the last few years, so mr. simpson allowed him to come back to degrassi for his final year, if he wished so. and how cam did. he knew that he most likely wouldn't recognize that many people, except the ones from his year, but there was however only one person cam really looked forward to see at school.

they haven't spoken in years. not since the night where cam stayed over at the matlin house, and crashed on the couches with maya, which lead to their first make out session, amongst some other things. he never told anyone about. cam wouldn't be mad at maya if she wouldn't want to have anything to do with him anymore. he just wanted to see her again. to be in her presence.

throughout the internet he knew that she started her own band, started writing songs, and uploading them. he was proud of her. proud of how brave she has been. oh how he missed to hear her voice, see her smile, her face, her hands, her hair.. just everything about her.

a few days later, campbell was in his mothers car, on the way to degrassi. she didn't want to let him drive over alone on his first day, just in case he got nervous. which was impossible due to the pills cam is still taking to keep him calm, but he was sure it was more of a way to stay calm for his mother than for himself. so he let her drive him.

cam hasn't slept the last few days. at all. he kept wondering how everyone would react.

sure, most kids aren't going to know who he is, and just guess he would be another new student who would start his year at degrassi. but those who did know.. boy he hoped he wouldn't be the center of attention, eventually.

cam has been answering and talking about his attempt for the past few years straight, almost every day, going on and on about what drove him that far, what made him think there was no other escape. he quite frankly was happy if he would go a day without having to assure to anyone that he was okay, or that he was sufficiently old enough to use a knife to spread the butter on to his toast. although being aware that everyone was just worried and tried to help him, which he appreciated, cam was starting to feel like he was five years old, and not eighteen.

his mom pulled into one of the parking lots. "do you want me to go inside with you? i can walk you to mr. simpsons office." his mother looked at him. the same look she gives him every day. she was worried, terrified of losing her son, of something happening to him again.

"mom? i've got it." cam looked at his mother, a soft smile on his face as he spoke. he didn't held it against her to be so cautious with him. hell he would have been worse if it was about protecting someone he loved. "and really, if something's up i will instantly text or call you. i promise." cam added.

"alright." mrs. campbell sighed lightly, returning her sons smile.

as he got out of the car, cams heart started racing. skipping a beat. his throat felt like something was cutting it off. it felt like there was a weight on his chest that didn't go away. he felt hot and cold at the same time. anxiety. panic. cam took a few deep breaths, before he looked back at his mother, still in the car, and waved to her. then the car pulled out of the parking lot and was gone in the matter of a few seconds.

there were just as many students making their way from the busses and cars as there were on cams first day with the ice hounds, a few years ago. some seemed intimidated, scared even, probably just like cam looked right now. some seemed not phased at all. some seemed like they were just returning home after a long time.

not a single face was familiar to him. to be fair, most of them seemed to be younger than him. part of him was thankful. he didn't know how he would react if he would see tristan, tori, zig, or maya, right now. he would probably just act as if everything was okay. which it was. at least now it was.

some eyes were on him. obviously, no one who wasn't in his year back then knew him. everyone else already graduated and this was a whole new set of students.

cam made his way over the street, up the stairs, then stood there for a moment, trying to navigate through his mind where he would have to go to mr. simpsons office. some things sure were different around here. no one was wearing school uniforms anymore, people seemed to be moving lighter than they did back when he was a freshman, but maybe that was just him.

he learned that depression would also alter a persons perception. meaning that they see things a little different than they actually are, and that they interpret actions differently than people with no depression. so maybe everyone did move that light when cam was going to school here, but he just saw it differently, because of his illness.

navigating through the corridors, he found his way to mr. simpsons office. cam stood in front of the door for a moment. his mind was preoccupied with everything around him. the rush, the people, the voices, the noise, the occasional looks he was getting. it was a lot to take in at once. he took a deep breath, counting to five. it was a method he learned during his counseling. they used those methods also on people with aggression problems. and despite the fact that cam officially had no aggression problem, they did teach him some methods too. then he knocked on the door.

"come in!" a familiar voice called out from inside, calming cam down quite a bit. he opened the door, and stepped in his principals office, the noise immediately going down the moment he closed the door behind himself.

"campbell! i was expecting you already!" mr. simpson called out, standing up from his seat.


	3. 3 » reconciling

the first period already started, when cam was walking alongside mr. simpson through the now empty corridors. 

the teenager looked around, noticing how almost everything was just like he remembered it to be. except a few minor changes here and there, but the basics were still the same. 

"are you nervous?" he heard mr. simpsons voice all of a sudden, who motioned towards his tensed up knuckles, a slight grin on the principals face. "you really don't have to be. we put you back into your old class, so you will remember most of them from freshmen year. there are some new faces, that's for sure, but all in all, i'm more than confident that you will find your way back into things, campbell." 

he knew that mr. simpson was just trying to encourage him, take some of the tension away from him, but the mere fact that he was to be put into a class with his old classmates was the thing that made him anxious. seeing them all again. tristan, zig, tori, and maya.. all the drama they had to go through a few years ago surely left it's impact on the group, and his suicide attempt surely did as well. he wasn't even sure if they were all still friends after all that happened.

they walked towards one of the newly renovated classrooms, before mr. simpson turned around to cam, and gave him an encouraging smile, although cam could tell that he was probably just as nervous.

he remembered how mr. simpson came to visit him in the hospital, after his suicide attempt, and seemed to be taking all the blame on him, apologizing to cams mother countless of times, while both of them thought he was asleep.

without any more warning, mr. simpson opened the door, and stepped into the room, cam following him close by. no one looked up from their books, or whatever they were reading at the moment - probably much rather something on their phones, than a book.

"i have a new student for you, mr. king." mr. simpson said, and with that, all heads shot up to look directly at cam.

first, no one pulled a face, as campbell looked through the crowd, then - some of his old friends - all widened their eyes in shock.

cam's eyes scanned through the crowd. zig, tristan, tori... and maya - all of them looked different, but were, no doubt, still about the same people. cam froze next to mr. simpson, as he tried his best not to stare at maya.

she looked as beautiful as she looked before, but her face expression was blank. she didn't show any sign of emotion. it was almost like she looked through thin air, when she looked at him, and it broke cam's heart, but he knew that he was responsible for this himself.

"some of you already know mr. saunders, but for those who don't; he used to go to school here, but had to... leave for a bit." mr. simpsons voice pulled cam back into reality. "and as he was schooled at home, he can start his senior year with his old class. so i hope, all of you are going to help mr. saunders to get settled back in." he added, patting cam's shoulder.

"why don't you sit down next to tristan, cam?" mr. king suggested, and cam wouldn't know where else to sit, considering the seat next to tristan was the only free one in the room. though, he just nodded, and made his way over to the empty seat, all pairs of eyes on him as he sat down.

well, all pairs, except maya's, who was staring straight ahead, with an unchanged expression of blankness on her face.

as cam sat down, his eyes stayed glued on the blonde, whom he used to call his girlfriend, years ago. to him, she looked almost the same as she did when he last saw her. sure, her style of clothing changed drastically, she wasn't wearing glasses anymore, and obviously started straightening her hair, but her eyes were the same, the way she sat was the same.

"let's go on with our lesson, guys." mr. king started up, as soon as cam sat down. the boy's eyes left maya's persona, and looked back on his teacher. she didn't even look at him, not once. cam even thought that she didn't blink at all. though he could tell that she was nervous. nothing about her gave it away, it was just his intuition when it came to maya.

not one day did he go without thinking about what maya might be up to, what she has achieved, if she really did write all those songs she kept talking about, how she coped with his actions. he didn't dare to contact her, not once. there was this one time, though, when he wrote her a letter, determined to send it to her, but when he was about to drop it into the mailbox, a wave of guilt, anxiety, and self-hatred, washed over him. he couldn't do that to her. he couldn't just pull her back into this whole mess, she didn't deserve that.

before cam even knew it, the bell rang, and the class was over. in a matter of seconds, almost everyone stood up from their seats, some kept eyeing cam, others just walked out, the ones who didn't know him, the ones tho knew him, started greeting cam. 

"well, that's someone i didn't expect to see here again." tristan started off, earning a few looks from other students, who didn't seem to know what was going on. "sorry, i mean, welcome back, cam." 

"thanks, tris." he nodded, before daring to look back at maya, who was still sitting, and staring ahead. then, almost as if someone unfroze time for her, she got up, packed her things into her bag, and got out of the class room.


End file.
